anyway.
A Penny for Your Thoughts

8 kids' Songs by me

How many ducks?
to the tune of "White Choral Bells"
gracefully

How many ducks can walk upon a log?
How many dragonflies can catch a bully frog?
How many swans can float upon the stream?
Two or maybe three's the most I've ever seen.

How many bugs can live beneath a rock?
And how many parrots ever really talk?
How many purrs come out the kitty cat?
Two or maybe three and don't you know that's that.

How many pigs can grobble in the mire?
How many salamanders live inside the fire?
How many birds can perch upon a wall?
Two or maybe three I'm pretty sure that's all.

How many burrs can tangle in your clothes?
And how many sneezes live inside your nose?
How many kids can have a batch of fun?
Two or maybe three - I counted every one.

The jar of fun
to the tune of "Good King Wenceslas"
with pathos

The monkey has a tambourine but spends his weekends crying.
How many piggies has he seen o'er the rooftops flying?
I've seen one or maybe none; you've seen two or twenty.
Either way we'll have some fun, til the fun jar's empty.

Once I had a jar of fun. I kept it in my closet.
Now my fun is mostly gone; by saving it I lost it.
Take a warning from my story: use it or you lose it.
If you have a choice for fun, don't you miss it - choose it!

I used to be a monkey
to the tune of "I Eat My Peas with Honey"
rambunctiously

I used to be a monkey, I was one most my life,
But when you are a monkey you can't get a pretty wife.

The butcher cut my tail off, the barber shaved my hair,
I put on fancy trousers but forgot my underwear.

I put a fancy shirt on, I put on fancy shoes,
I had so many pretty girls that I could hardly choose.

I went out with my girlfriends, we went out to the zoo.
I met a pretty chimpanzee... And together we had you!

Ode to fruit
to the tune of "Ode to Joy"
with devotion

I went out to get bananas
I went to the banana farm
There I got lovely bananas
Carried them home in my arms
O bananas
Lovely bananas
Yellow bananas I love to eat
How I love to eat bananas
They're a lovely yellow treat

I went out to get some kiwi
I went to the kiwi farm
There I got some lovely kiwi
Carried them home in my arms
O kiwi
Lovely kiwi
Furry kiwi I love to eat
How I love to eat kiwi
They're a lovely furry treat

I went out to get pineapple
I went to the pineapple farm
There I got lovely pineapple
Carried them home in my arms
O pineapple
Lovely pineapple
Spiky pineapple I love to eat
How I love to eat pineapple
They're a lovely spiky treat

ad infinitum

The PB&J
To the tune of "The House of the Rising Sun"
in your best Tom Waits voice

There is a sandwich that I like
It's called a PB&J
And it's been the lunch of many a poor boy
I ate one myself today

The only thing a PB&J needs
Is some J and some PB
And it goes pretty good with a glass of milk
Or a glass of old ice tea

You can keep your macaroni and cheese
You can keep your asparagus soufflé
The only thing that I'll eat for lunch
Is a good old PB&J

So parents go get your little children
And make 'em a PB&J
And you know that they will be satisfied
Almost every day

I'm making myself a PB&J
Maybe I'll make a whole bunch
And maybe I'll call my friends on the phone
And invite 'em over for lunch

Yeah there is a sandwich that I like
It's called a PB&J
And I know that it doesn't sound fancy to you
But I eat one every day

The sandwich song other than the PB&J song
To the tune of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2
with vigor

Sandwich! I want a sandwich
I want a sandwich made with toast and jelly
Eat it right down to my belly
Sandwich! I want a sandwich
I want a sandwich made with cheese and grilléd
Make me one and I'll be thrilléd
Sandwich! I want a sandwich
I want a bacon lettuce and tomater
Make me one I'll pay you later
Sandwich! I want a sandwich
I want a sandwich made with ham and mayo
Listen what I'm tryn'a say-o
Sandwich! I'm talkin' sandwich
I want a sandwich made with cheese and lettuce
Listen man I'm gonna get a
Sandwich! I want a sandwich
So don't you give me any bluff or bluster
Make me a corned beef with mustard
Sandwich! I want a sandwich
I want a sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich
Sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich
Sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich
Sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich
Sa - AAAAAND - wich

This morning I made coffee
To the tune of "This Morning I Am Born Again" by Woody Guthrie and Slaid Cleaves
impersonating the latter

This morning I made coffee with my eyes still tightly closed
I hadn't even showered and I wasn't wearing clothes
I put the beans in the grinder and I pushed the button down
This morning I made coffee and it made a funny sound

This morning I made coffee I was grindin up the beans
They din't look much like coffee and they smelled like gasoline
I dumped em in the filter and I poured the water through
This morning I made coffee and it came out quite unu(sual)

This morning I made coffee and it filled the pot right up
It was a sickly color but I drank up every drup
It set my heart a-shudderin it scorchered up my tongue
This morning I made coffee and it set my feet to run

This morning I made coffee and I ran right out the door
I ran an errand round the block and I ran one to the store
I ran an errand up in town and I ran one to the bank
I ain't stopped running errands since I drank that coffee drank

This morning I made coffe and I haven't set down yet
Been runnin for ten hours straight and I'll run ten more I bet
I wish I knew what beans those were wish I knew what recipe
This morning I made somethiiiiiing
Even better than coffee
Woo-oo

There might be a goat
To the tune of "I Wish I Were a Little Sticky Bun," approximately
playfully

There might be a goat in the car (in the car)
Oh there might be a goat in the car (in the car)
Of all of the places that there might be a goat
There might be a goat in the car (in the car)

There might be a goat on the roof (on the roof)
Oh there might be a goat on the roof (on the roof)
Of all of the places that there might be a goat
There might be a goat on the roof (on the roof)

There might be a goat in the closet (in the closet)
Oh there might be a goat in the closet (in the closet)
Of all of the places that there might be a goat
There might be a goat in the closet (in the closet)

There might be a goat up your nose (up my nose?)
Oh there might be a goat up your nose (up my nose!?)
Of all of the places that there might be a goat
There might be a goat up your nose (oh no my poor nose)

etc., ending with

There might be a goat under there (underwear!)
Oh there might be a goat under there (underwear!)
Of all of the places that there might be a goat
There might be a goat under there (underwear!)

This last verse is a real crowd-pleaser. If your crowd is a 5-year-old.