thread: 2005-08-09 : The New Open House 2: Religion
On 2005-08-09, The M. wrote:
I have been following your previous religion thread(s) with interest, so I'll shoot.
I was raised Catholic, but in a rather lax way. My mom had us go to Sunday school and vaguely wanted us to go to church, but we didn't go very regularly. My dad was (quietly) resistant to it all almost never got involved in the church himself unless it was a special occasion. He is a scientist at heart and in recent years I've seen hints that he might be an Objectivist, which would explain a lot. I think he might approve of the cultural, aesthetic, and psychological aspects of religion...he seems to appreciate it except in its "actually explaining how things are" aspect.
Religion was very much not a part of public life in my small New England town. Most people were some brand of Christian, but the subject of religion rarely came up socially or in school except in terms of holiday events. For example, I really had little idea what other Christians did in terms of religion. Nor did I know that there was a difference. I just sort of assumed that the Christian churches were all more or less alike and that some people attended church more than others and that was the end of it.
What I personally got out of religion was this:
1) Since early childhood, I found Sunday school, church, religious events that did not involve presents or candy, and rules that had no observable impact on my life or the lives of others to be inconvenient and annoying. I didn't particularly identify with other people in the church community. I thought it smelled weird and that everyone else's moms had ugly haircuts. (For some reason, those trivial details really stick with me. I couldn't tell you why.)
2) I was deeply afraid of going to hell, despite (or perhaps because of) the above. I'm not sure why, because it was not heavily emphasized at church or in Sunday school. Maybe it's just what I saw between the lines? In any case, this fear was the only "deep feeling" I ever experienced in connection with religion. I don't quite understand what people mean when they say they can "feel" the Truth or what have you.
As you can see, for me, it was mostly stick and not much carrot.
One thing for which I'm grateful was that my parents were pretty laid-back about the whole thing. When I worried about going to hell because I didn't want to go to church, they told me to just be a good person and not worry about it. (For some reason, I only worried about these things in the dead of night...I could never care quite so much when the sun came up on Sunday.) When I worried that my Hindu friend would go to hell, they said he'd go to "Hindu Heaven" and I could go visit from "Regular Heaven" and that I should go to bed and not worry about it. In retrospect, it was remarkably pluralistic of them, considering how socially conservative they are otherwise.
So where was I at this point in the story?
1) Religion was not pushed on me very hard to begin with.
2) Even so, I didn't like it very much.
3) The only use I saw in religion was as a way to avoid hell.
4) My fears of hell were undermined by my parents.
5) I knew fuck-all about other religions.
So, while I stuck with Catholicism out of inertia and to please my mom's side of the family, deep inside I gradually turned to Deism-tinged-with-leftover-Catholicism. It left open the possibility of an afterlife, a lot of thinkers my dad respected (esp. the Founding Fathers) were Deists, and it cut out all of the stuff about actually going to church.
Late in my high school career, I learned more about history, about the church, about the Protestant reformation, and a bit about non-Christian religions.
I did start to wonder things like: "Hmm. A lot of people have been awfully sure about a lot of different things that pretty much nobody believes anymore. I guess that the fact that someone (or even LOTS of people) really, really, really believes something ultimately doesn't count for much."
This train of thought continued into college, where I learned more about history and religion in general.
I soon realized that my only remaining basis for belief was Pascal's Wager, and clung tightly to that in order to justify my Deism and assuage my lingering fears of nonexistence.
Then I realized that Pascal's Wager presented artificially restricted choices, and discarded it.
Every train of thought on the subject since then has led me quite firmly towards agnosticism. I'll spare you the further rambling that a meandering treatise on my agnosticism would enatil. Let it suffice to say that I am quite satisfied with this state of affairs. My approach to the issue of death/nonexistence is now simply: "Since I currently have no firm experience on which to base decisions regarding what happens to 'me' after I die, worrying about it is a waste of time that detracts from actually living."
I really don't miss religion at all. All I personally got out of it was a lot of bother and worry and a tiny bit of hope. I keep the tiny bit of hope just for fun anyway, and see no reason why the rest of it should be a prerequisite.
Oddly enough, I had very little exposure to the notion of present-day religious extremism until after college. I somehow didn't realize just how seriously US Christians took things until the 2000 presidential election, and while I knew about Muslim extremists, I didn't really "get it" until September 11th thrust it into the limelight.
The idea that anyone could be so certain about things that are totally outside of the experience of other people, yet affect their relations with those other people, disturbs me quite a bit.* Because of that, I often find myself slipping towards a negative view of religion in general...but I try to keep an open mind and remember the many, many people for whom religion is a positive influence.
* - I also find it fascinating, which is why I greatly enjoy religious discussions.
