thread: 2005-05-16 : Violence
On 2005-05-17, Christopher Kubasik wrote:
Hi all, sorry I'm late.
The topics and points of views here are huge and slippery.
To that end, I will side step them.
Instead I will talk about the "Fractured Family of Men" piece.
Didn't like it at all. The whole "feminine side" thing.... We have to be gay to cry together as men. What a sad, sad point of view.
I will explain...
Right now, I'm studying Bukido. Bukido is a martial art developed by Richard Machowicz, an ex-Navy SEAL. The discipline itself is a mix of boxing, street fighting, a bunch of stuff that Machowicz has mixed together from other marital arts.
It differs from a lot of martial arts training in that we don't spend a lot of time perfecting technique. Bukido is neither dance like, nor is a "sport"—where the idea is to use this stuff in controlled circumstances with everyone playing pretty much by the same rules. We practice in shoes and street clothes.
As I mentioned, the focus is not on the moves (though that is covered). We are trained to look for the first and easiest target on the opponents (eyes, throat, groin, whatever); then use whatever weapon can most easily hit that target (palm, knee, forearm, whatever), then move to bring our body with full force behind the weapon to the target.
So, manuever is not what we practice. The TARGET is really what we're practicing. It makes all the difference in the world in terms of making this a very practical martial art.
More important than the technique (which is emphasized, but not as much as in other disciplines), is the attitude you bring to bear in any situation.
We are trained to: be aggressive; to dominate and control the opponent; to own the situation. If someone attacks us, we move *closer* to them, attacking and taking control of the situation to end the conflict as quickly as possible.
The discipline of Bukido is a metaphor that can carry into all areas of one's life. My mother commented to me in three seperate conversations that she loved how "aggressive" I'd become in marketing my writing lately. Thanks ma!
It also translates into how I carry myself and how I see conflict. A couple of weeks ago one of the instructers asked, "What is your first weapon?" The answer is, our voice. If we use our voice with the same committment that were training our bodies with when someone approaches us, then there well may never be a blow thrown. But, let's be clear, using your voice that way is an aggressive act. Some people here are splitting hairs on taking a march to the streets and throwing a punch. I do not. (That may change. Who knows? I've changed on these matters several times already.)
For me, aggression is aggression—and it gets squeezed out as needed—and often defined by the circumstances. If someone is beating the crap out of my mother, I'm not going to try to "Influence" them or whatnot. The guy's going down. That's it. We can talk about the misdirection of his life force later.
If you want a better break down of this material, check out Machowicz's book, "Unleash the Warrior Within."
The books was recomended to me. I read it. Did the exercises it contains (about attitude adjustment and other matters), thought, this is genius, signed up for his three day training intensive this past February. I've been attending classes since.
At the Intensive, we get training in Bukido. But a lot more. When you're doing three 12 hour days of training, starting at six in the morning—with material you don't know, with people you don't know, a lot of "stuff" can come up: anger, frustration, wondering why the hell that woman is getting so much more attention, beating up yourself for getting the "moves" wrong and so on. (By the way, the way, the reason the women get more attention to the women is because the Bukido school gives more attention to women—they usually have further to go to stop being polite and being aggressive.)
The amazing thing about Machowicz is how he's one of the most thoughtful, perceptive guys I know. And when he saw you going off on your own shit and not paying attention—not staying on Target—he'd call you on it. I likened it to having him opening up the hood of my skull and tinkering.
And here's the point: there were tears. All these people spending three days shouting and practicing martial arts. And a lot of crying as things that'd we'd been trying to hide from ourselves in order to be "good" people, or blaming other people to avoid facing our own shit... or whatnot... all got stirred up. There were quiet intimate moments, and big emotional moments. And yes, Machowicz cried a couple of times as well.
And now that I've been going to classes regularly, I'm becoming closer to the men and women at the school. And let me tell you, there's lots of hugging between the guys. More than I've ever experienced between men in any other situation. And crying. I just did support on a three day training event—four guys doing hikes up the Malibu mountains through the middle of the night, surf drills in the pacific ocean, martial arts training in burned out houses, and more, almost no sleep for most of the trainers and the volunteers—and pizza and champaign at the end of it on a mountain top. With lots of hugs, lots of crying. Lots of personal details coming out. I was talking to my two trainers about most of the stuff I posted over at the Forge during those days and nights when they were taking breaks, which is why it was so clear in my head.
My point: What the Preacher longs for between men I'm finding now—but it's not because I'm tapping into my feminine side. It's because I'm hanging out with men who are comfortable with their masculinity—their strength, their aggressive engergy. They know it, know how to use it well. It isn't something they are AFRAID will get away from them once they open that door. And in this they know how to be open, vulnerable, emotional.
Christopher
