thread: 2005-05-16 : Violence
On 2005-05-17, Meredith (Matt's wife) wrote:
Hey guys,
Been having a little trouble with this thread - feels all focused on principles when for me aggression is a messy internal felt experience. So it's not, "what would you do if? " but, "what does it feel like when?"
I struggle with aggression. I'm an ultimate frisbee player, and I get *really* aggressive on the field and sidelines. I yell and grab and sprint - so much so that I freaked the hell out of Matt when he came to watch. It sat with me a bit after he told me, like was that too Manly or Ugly or Hurtful what I did back there? But it felt good!
I can only imagine that for men, this struggle must be even more difficult in the face of the damage that men can (and do) do, not only to women's bodies but... well... lots of things. Early on in our relationship, Matt played Toad the Wet Sprocket's Hold Her Down for me and so was obviously affected by the line, "the shame of what a man can do" that I didn't know how to console him.
So, I feel for you guys, trying to figure out principles and right ways and wrong ways. I think, just as I do in my antiracist work, that the path is just one of searching on the inside and being good enough on the outside. Shame isn't necessary here, only hope and action.
