thread: 2005-05-16 : Violence
On 2005-05-17, Meguey wrote:
(still sick, so there you go)
(Not gonna touch the rape Q unless Vincent specifically taps me with my sex ed teacher's hat. Except to say that the anaolgy of a man having his balls riped off only points immeadiatly at physical damage, not emotional/psychological/spiritual. There are a huge number of male rape survivors, probably including men you know. Nonetheless, point made. Also, everyone has weighed in on that already.)
Violence, aggression, assertivness, courage. Whew. Ok, here's my context: I have two sons, ages 8 and 5. They like to wrestle and rough-house and basically pound on each other. Most of the time, I have no problem with it, because they are also very loyal to each other, courteous, thoughtful, helpful and kind to each other. When I intervien, it's because one of them has acted out of meaness (which I understand as violence) rather than the exhuberant puppy-like tumbling agaisnt each other (which I understand as aggression) that is exciting for their bodies, minds, and spirits. Yes, we are teaching them that it's not ok to hit, and to use words, and to solve problems in creative and non-damaging ways.
AND
When Joshua was over last weekend, I watched him giving the 8 y.o. sword-play pointers, and encouraging my boy to aim for the target/body, not the sword, and it was great. I've watched my fierce, fearless little 5 y.o. encourage his older, more reserved brother to try charging ahead instead of running away, and I'm glad in my heart. I want my kids to know how to defend themselves, how to do all the positive things mentioned about martial arts, and most of all to know how to have safe outlets for their frusteration and anger, and how to channel their outrage and determination and will into healthy change.
I *love* that my 8 y.o. is fully willing to assert his knowledge, and to call people, peers and adults, on their mistreatment of others. He will not stand for it. The one time he remotely got in 'trouble' at school this year was for strongly correcting a teacher on behalf of a fellow student with Down's Syndrome. Even then, it was his tone rather than his message that caused concern, because it was so clear that he was right. Speaking truth to power is surely courageous.
I can be an aggressive person. I can roll over people and they don't even know it because I'm also a diplomat. Does that make me very violent (since I'm asserting my will), or very non-violent (since I'm finding ways to make all parties feel satisfied)?
