2005-12-07 : But Even Better...
But even better than mocking the mentally ill, mocking the just plain stupid! I got this in my email and it makes me so happy I could die.
Contains swears. Read at your own risk.
subject: Recent Playtest of Fuckwit (promise you'll post to hate mail! lol)
Hey,
Scrolling through your hate mail page, I came across the following reply you created for someone:
fuckwit the roleplaying game
in fuckwit you have only one stat, fuckwitude. it represents how fuckwitted you are. you roll on it whenever you try to do something.
character creation: roll a d10. add 90. that's your fuckwitude.
resolution: when you try to do something, roll percentile dice (d%). if the dice come up equal to or greater than your fuckwitude, fine. carry on. if they come up less than your fuckwitude, stop! you do something fuckwitted instead. roll d% on the fuckwitted action table:
d%
fuckwitted action
1-45: you send me the "how could you hurt a sweet little animal!" hatemail.
46-75: you send me the "won't you accept christ's good lovin' if you don't it's the anal rape pits for you!" hatemail.
76-95: you send me the "fuck you you're teaching all the children everywhere that it's cool to kill puppies!" hatemail.
96-100: roll twice.
you get xp's x 1.5 if you put "cool" in quotes.
fuckwit.
Suffice to say, I eagerly started developing the setting for my first gaming session of Fuckwit.
Anyways:
FUCKWIT, the first playtest
Character creation was fairly difficult at first, primarily because there was more than one step. Also, I have no idea what an RPG is. Which I didn't originally think would be a problem for interpretting what your site was about. Apparently it was.
I rolled a 4. Combined with the compulsory 90, I had a total character sheet that looked like this:
Fuckwititude: 95.
Next, I began my first scene. There was little in there about scene framing, so I did some background research. I decided to set my campaign in an entirely new and unique setting.
So, my character was surfing AOL, trying to find out more about puppies. Because I assume, with a fuckwititude of 93, my character loves puppies and God and all things that are pretty and can be taken at face value.
And then I came across "Kill Puppies For Satan". I knew this site would contain nothing about puppy care, so my character decided to avoid the site. However, I rolled a 91 on my resolution roll, failing to avoid clicking every link on the page without rhyme or reason.
Rolling the additional fuckwititude result, I realized that I would have to send you a "Why do you hate puppies" email. Not yet knowing your address, I decided to bank that result for later.
Once on your site, the ability for indepth roleplaying expanded immensely. My character, being a fucking moron, was horrified by the messages of satanism. Plus, it didn't help that the website didn't have a cool background or a thousand flashing lights.
I rolled to attempt to... you know...exercise personal control and leave the site. I got a total of 12, well under my fuckwititude score of 96. In addition, I rolled a 96 on the random fuckwititude result page (meaning reroll twice). I scored a 77, and an 82.
In total, this meant that my character needed to send you 3 (!!!) messages about puppies.
I decided to try and create a diversity of character here, so I did something a little different in each letter:
-Subject: I hate u. y u hav to be sooooo mean? Puppies are niece. Ure a bad person.
Go leave the planet 4ever.
-Subject: FUCK YOU ASSMUNCHER. You munch ass like an assmuncher. Go die or something.
bitch. FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER.
-Subject: I love puppies. I love puppies. Puppies have cute eyes. Why would you
kill something adorable? I love puppies. and I HATE YOU! You ga* fa**ot.
I awarded myself a bonus point of fuckwititude for each email (something which was missing from the game: character progression!) and felt that this was a good place to end the session.
A very rewarding game overall. Cheers.
Thank you, playtester of fuckwit the roleplaying game! You made my day.
1. On 2005-12-07, Matt Wilson said:
I gained a new trait reading that: I have faith in humankind 1d4
2. On 2005-12-08, Mo said:
That is *The Funny*. I almost fell off the couch. :)
3. On 2005-12-08, Marco said:
Can I get the PDF edition? Will it be illustrated!?
-Marco
4. On 2005-12-08, ethan_greer said:
I learned an important thing today: If you type "FUCKER" four times in a row, it's funny. Try it.
5. On 2005-12-08, Victor Gijsbers said:
LOL!
6. On 2005-12-08, Tobias said:
Will there be supplements to fuckwit, or are we going straight to version 2.0?
7. On 2005-12-08, Josh BishopRoby said:
Will there be a d20 conversion appendix?
8. On 2005-12-08, Brand Robins said:
Josh BisipRaby,
You are assmuch you munch ass! d20 is hell stuped, fuk! My hat no no limit of it! Fuckwit is bril4nt, you wuld ruin it fukor! You go to he11!!
Stupidest is that the game that is known, to equip. They are stupidest the man who knows itself, to equip. Me hatred she. I wait for cubical them to them I die and going they to hell. Hell is stops of the Idioten like you.
This reminds...
GKS of d02: know no limit
This makes...
Chris go "Idiot netspeak is..."*
*click in for more
9. On 2005-12-09, Joe McDonald said:
Glad you enjoyed my playtest.
Basically, I saw Fuckwit and I just saw opportunity for retaliation oozing.
Retaliation at the average moronic idiot who sent in hate mail.
I personally think I deserve a copy of Kill Puppies for Satan for that brilliant playtest, but that`s just me. (I can`t afford it otherwise. sad face.)
``my character loves puppies and God and all things that are pretty and can be taken at face value.`` That`s my favourite part.
10. On 2005-12-09, Joe McDonald said:
Man, you SHOULD publish fuckwit. Expand it to a 3 page game, and add a pic or two.
Like a bonus game for anyone that buys Kill Puppies for Satan *and* the supplement also gets
"FUCKWIT: the roleplaying game of moronic assholes."
11. On 2005-12-12, Alan said:
u suk! fukwits have big eys and they belive in puppies u shodnt m8k games that dis em u efer!
(Using the advanced version, where the response table is roll on d300 d30 rools!)
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