2006-12-12 : Status report
In 13 months, I attended 1 birth, 4 weddings, and 4 funerals. I'll be surprised if there's not a 5th funeral before 18 months have gone (but that's not mine to decide, of course). There'll be 2 more births in my immediate family before 24 months have gone, but I probably won't attend either.
I dreamt that I went home to visit my folks. Halfway through the dream I remembered that my dad had died. My mind had him lie on the living room floor with his eyes closed (tiptoe around him!) for the rest of the dream.
My friend Sarah's dad died some time before mine did. She passed on words from a friend of hers: give yourself a year. My workplace gave me 3 days paid time.
I heard a long piece on NPR by a woman taking care of her father, dying of cancer. By the time he died, I was sobbing so hard I couldn't see. Driving blind up 91, on faith, glad for the roadwork that kept us down to 35mph.
A funeral is an ordeal, even when it's not your dad's. Worse, a funeral turns the celebrations that follow it - Travis' wedding, my sister's wedding, my family's Thanksgiving - into ordeals too. Why isn't he here?
I'm not sad all the time. Not constantly sad. I'm sad a lot, and thoughtful even more. I still get things done. But I'm tired all the time. Every small hitch, when the kids don't want to wash the dishes, when arguments break out online, when work is irritating, every small dumb hitch, it's a burden. I turn inward and husband my strength. I have nothing in reserve.
Friends? I miss you, and I'm okay, and I'll come back. Give me a year.
1. On 2006-12-12, Judd said:
2. On 2006-12-12, Sydney Freedberg said:
3. On 2006-12-12, Sydney Freedberg said:
4. On 2006-12-12, Troy_Costisick said:
5. On 2006-12-12, Andrew Cooper said:
6. On 2006-12-12, Blankshield said:
7. On 2006-12-12, luke said:
8. On 2006-12-12, Mo said:
9. On 2006-12-12, Vincent said:
10. On 2006-12-12, Matt Wilson said:
11. On 2006-12-12, JamesNostack said:
12. On 2006-12-13, Ben Lehman said:
13. On 2006-12-18, Vincent said:
14. On 2006-12-18, Sydney Freedberg said: